By Petra Vega
Last year, as a first year MSW student with a concentration in Community Organizing, Planning and Development, I had the opportunity to demonstrate my dedication to girl empowerment at the “I Have a Dream” Foundation in East Harlem, NY. This commitment manifested into the creation of a Girls Group for third and fourth grade girls as a way to provide a rare opportunity to discuss, experience and celebrate the different facets of girlhood by learning and supporting one another throughout the process. Given the progress made in the first year, and the need to provide this opportunity once again to the new third and fourth grade girls, I decided to volunteer once a week to continue re-imagining, facilitating, encouraging girls in their own development.
This year, Ms. Nancy (Program Director) advised me that the purpose for Girls Group would be very different than last year because the need would be much greater. Over time, a group of six girls were chosen for this group because they were having a very hard time getting along with others, acting like their true selves, as well as learning how to make friends. Given this, the purpose for this 10 session Girls Group (December 2014 – April 2015) was to provide the girls with an opportunity to learn about their own inner-qualities, strength and power, how to form strong relationships, and to make sure their behaviors show who they really are inside. Throughout this process, girls were asked to share their experiences, support one another, and to try new behaviors/forms of thinking.
Initially, the girls were eager to be part of this group to learn about the in’s and out’s of being a true friend, yet none of them anticipated how difficult this process would be; it required for them to challenge themselves. With the girls we learned about friendship qualities, how to get along with others by focusing on commonalities, and learning how to work through conflict by constantly assessing the progress of the group, re-focusing away from the silly giggles, as well as providing girls with the space to recover in a supportive environment.
Although the journey for the girls and I had sometimes been filled with frustration and tears, there were also times of camaraderie and laughter. Looking back, I can identify many memories of transformation and progress for each of the girls. In the beginning, one of the girls (M), would always repeat whatever another girl would say as if it was her own original thought. M was one of the quieter girls who was often overlooked. As time went on, M continued to become more comfortable in the space, and began taking risks in sharing her original thoughts with the group; in return, we all appreciated her honest perspective and her willingness to share her wisdom. Another girl (MJ) was consistently irritated and sensitive to the girls’ actions and behaviors because she felt excluded by the group. Over time, with constant re-direction and the “recovery seat” (where girls sat to think about how to return to the group re-focused), MJ began self-regulating without anyone asking. When MJ became upset and emotional, she would get up, walk to the recovery seat nearby, and would return back to the group better able to process her emotions. Another highlight, is the way the group was able to accept one of the girls just the way she was (A), who has a learning/developmental disability and often would move around nervously or just naturally. In the beginning, the other girls would yell at her to stop, but I encouraged the group to focus on what they can control which is their own actions, and to simply let others be how they are. As it relates to A, we learned that this is simply how A is, and if her moving around is an issue, all we need to do is push our seats back so we give her some space to be. This acceptance also allowed all of us to listen to A’s brilliance as she constantly grounded the group to remember why we were together and what it means to be a true friend.
Although I have only mentioned a few examples, they are meant to highlight how far these girls have come over 5 months. Like the girls, I learned about the importance of friendships in childhood, and the potential for people (even for 8 and 9 year olds) to transform their behaviors. I for one, feel so honored that the “I Have a Dream” NY – East Harlem program has allowed me to be part of this process, and has trusted me with the responsibility to support these girls as they trusted their inner voice, built a network of support, and challenged themselves in becoming the kind of people they want to be.
Petra Vega will receive her Master degree in Social Work this May 2015 from Hunter College School of Social Work.